toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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