The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
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you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually