dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He passed out mid-signature
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i drank out of a bidet.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet