whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.