the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
