He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
