the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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