So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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