I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
