so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
