Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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