I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
