we have officially lost it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
