Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
