He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
