Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i just had sex bonerless
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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