We named our party play list daddy issues
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
