She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I supernannyed him into submission
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
