i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
