Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
