spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
