I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
