you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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