The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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