Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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