So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
