You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dick very happy bro
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
