Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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