Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
