Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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