My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
