I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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