Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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