He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize