i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
This is not my ceiling
another moral hangover. fuck.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
