remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
