Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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