my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
