foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
