fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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