tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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