dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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