When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
