By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
