shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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