i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
