My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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