Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
