I wish they made helmets for livers.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
