im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
