the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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