TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
