So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
