I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
