i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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