that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
