I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we made out on top of his cat.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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