ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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