the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
