im about as happy as oj after his trial
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
