come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
