There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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