you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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