Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
