Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
