Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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