well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
