Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
