i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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