Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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