I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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