wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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