Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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