I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
