you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
