Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
