im gay
i know
yea but for you.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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