Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
